Que Sera Sera

P.S : The post is dedicated to my most passionate dreams till date – my childhood dreams .

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me…..

My parents say that when  I was a kid I wanted to be everything that  I observed in my vicinity and that pleased my heart (just like every other child). All that I remember from my memory are  few catchy professions that were in the hit list of my dreams.  I wanted to be a truck driver back there in 1^st standard, I use to love the trucks and tractors as they were big and spacious. Then as I grew up ‘A for Aeroplane’ looked more catchy than any other road vehicle  and thus I wanted to be  a pilot. We kids use to run out of our home or classrooms to see whenever we heard a plane or a helicopter roaring in the wide sky. Soon, a little more  understanding of this world made me  realized it is not the pilot but the airhostess that makes everyone travel in the plane. And soon my daydreams shifted from being a pilot to airhostess.  But then I was from a very little town where airhostesses were not considered as respectable as any other normal job. My convent teacher used to get more respect than the brave and beautiful airhostess that used to come in promotional advertisements of various airlines.  And so I wanted to be a teacher. This was the profession for which I really dreamt a lot, not just dreamt but I practiced  too with my instant ‘be-a-teacher’ kit, I used to wear high heels of my elder sis, wrap her long colourful duppattas around my waist and  other accessories like wooden scale, chalks, a cloth as a duster and a door on which I could scribble, I used to spend hours teaching virtual students in an empty living room or my dad.  The irony is that I loved this profession even when I didn’t love the very thought of going to school .  From standard L.K.G to 2^nd I have bunked as much school as I can, I use to run away from the school gate and wander on streets and get back to home when a whole bunch of vehicles (especially autos) on the road headed in the direction of my school.  My dad used to be my favorite and most tortured student. He used to allow me to practice all kinds of evil practises that I saw my teachers doing in the school, like hitting hard on his hand with wooden scale, make him read whatever I wrote on the board (used to be the door of mom-dad’s bedroom) not once but again and again and cunningly find where he is wrong etc .   It was in 6^thstandard when I realized my habit of not sharing the thoughts with anyone when it comes about the dark or gloomy part of my brain . I started writing diary. I have 6 diaries of my childhood and believe me, my reasons of sadness in those days serve as a potential source of humour to anyone, at anytime :/  Since then I keep on scribbling depending on the mood and the inspiration.

As years passed, I grew up and got to know that there exist better jobs than playing in playground or teasing my siblings.  I saw this famous movie ‘Titanic’, had no clue by then why people made a hype about beautiful Kate Winslet and her famous bold scene ‘cause I watched it with my family on Star Gold and thus all the unwanted scenes were deleted from it. :/ Anyway, the post effects of Titanic were two more passions in my life. I wanted to join Navy but then this thought didn’t last for long as I   I also wanted to become a painter, someone who could bring every thought of his mind on canvas with beautiful colors.  Thanks to this new likeness that I actively participated in  various drawing competitions that used to happen in my town every other weekend for social causes or by public welfare organisations. I have memories printed in newspapers and mind of the same . ^_^

Time rolled on, my elder brother and mischief buddy got into 11^th and me in 9^th. That day, his class teacher and my dad had serious discussion in parent teacher discussion, they were discussing how our society is governed by prejudices about class of professions and thus majority  end up choosing the same direction viz Engineers, Lawyers and Doctors. He had chosen maths out of three life deciding options. And all of sudden I felt really that a very tough and important decision is going to meet me soon. Then I and my dad mutually decided that I wish to become a Doctor (No pun intended). Yes, I so whole heartedly wanted to be a doctor, someone who treats everyone and has a power to cure which is Godly, someone who can read the heartbeats  and someone who gets a lot of presents and accessories  from the various companies every day.  

Life became a lot simple and focused then, till I passed my high school. But then my brother didn’t let me take Biology and asked me to take maths and sooner than it seemed, life turned around. The girl who use to curse cubic equations and its interruption in my peace of mind, finally set the same as her major arena of interest.  Soon, I landed in the best engineering college of the country, that is a neighbour to the best medical college too. :/

Over here , after crossing so many laps of various phases and faces of life when I saw IIT as my ending point and desired destination,  I found myself again on the starting point . There is hardly any difference in my thinking and clarity of  aims now when compared to my school time.  I would still love to become a truck driver , a painter, a pilot or a teacher but then now approach has changed . It was a lot more simpler to believe that  dreams can be brought to reality, which is not the present case. People call it wisdom and maturity, I call it vagueness and confusion.

I study books which teach me engineering but I love management and operations more than it . I love music more than management but then I love writing more than music. At times, I feel the existence of the ‘power of youth’ in me and I get inclined for bringing a change in the system and thus civil services  is what I look for but then I think about creativity and creations, and thus the loop is set back to engineering .

May be I am way behind the ones who are of my age, when I say that for me the question asked me ‘Surf Excel’ advertisement is still unanswered, i.e mujhe ban na hai _________?, but then that is the reality.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Childhood dreams were the most passionate ones as there were no worries and doubts about achieving them when thought, there was just two things – faith and imagination, it was as simple as ‘Dream it, achieve it’.  Hoping that self exploration will come to an end soon and will show me what actually I love and what is my purpose on this earth.

P.S :1) ‘Que Sera Sera’ is a Spanish phrase which means  ’What to be to be’.
         2) ‘Que Sera Sera’ is a beautiful song sung by .
         3) The first P.S was meant for Pre Script. Yes ,I know it is silly but then I had no other choice but do it.